When Power in a Relationship Is Not as Strong as It Seems: A Hegelian Perspective

In many romantic relationships, a silent dynamic repeats itself: he decides, directs, imposes; she yields, adapts, avoids conflict.

At first glance, it seems that one is strong and the other weak. But Hegel’s dialectic shows us something very different.

Hegel explains this relationship through the dialectic of the master and the servant. The “master” is the one who dominates; the “servant” is the one who obeys. However, the master’s power does not arise from himself, but from the recognition of the servant. In other words, the dominant person is dominant only because the other accepts that role.

Applied to a romantic relationship, the dominant man often believes he is independent, secure, and self-sufficient. Yet his emotional authority depends on his partner:

• Giving in,
• Validating him,
• Diminishing herself
• And constantly confirming his position of power.

The paradox is clear: the dominant partner emotionally depends on the one he dominates, even if he does not acknowledge it.

On the other hand, the partner who adopts a submissive position is not weak by nature. Many times, she fears losing the bond, security, or love, and therefore avoids confrontation. However, it is precisely her silence and adaptation that sustain the dynamic.

Real change does not occur when the submissive person becomes dominant, nor when the relationship turns into a power struggle. Dialectical change occurs when that person stops recognizing herself as inferior:

• She begins to name her own desires,
• Holds her boundaries,
• Tolerates the discomfort of disagreement,
• And stops giving in out of fear.

When this happens, the “master” begins to lose his throne. Not because he is attacked, but because he is no longer automatically validated. His apparent independence cracks, and the relationship enters a moment of crisis... or evolution.

If the couple is able to move through this stage, a new synthesis emerges:
there is no longer a master or a servant, but two individuals who recognize each other as equals.

In simple words: In a relationship, power does not belong to the one who commands, but to the one who stops feeling inferior.

Healthy relationships are not built on control, but on mutual recognition.

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Written by Berenice Barrios Cruz, Clinical Psychologist

If this topic resonated with you, schedule a session with Berenice to explore how you can break old dynamics and build healthier, more balanced relationships.